Saturday, January 28, 2012

I lost him in my dream-Battle with 2 Cs

Dear insansapinas,

I was tired and waiting for a call from the nurse cancer navigator for the results of my MRI. Then I fell asleep and dreamed. I saw two young men who I discovered to be ghosts. I talked to one of them to ask how long they been there and why were they staying in that place. The first young man told me that he was waiting to know who killed him. Ngiii. He had no inkling how long he will be staying in that place. The other man did not respond.

He was about to show me around  when a soft ringing of phone (normally I would not hear that)  pulled me out of that  deep slumber. It was a friend who asked me how to install Google Chrome. After giving her instruction I flopped back to bed. I left the wireless phone in its cradle. It did not take long for me to catch the ZZZZs. Surprise, the young man was happy to see me again. A continuation of the dream? It seemed I was still lying down when he saw me so that he was able to throw himself  to the part of  my body where the liver is. A few meters away, I saw a woman in white dress. Apparently another apparition. She gave the young ghost the look which I interpreted to mean STOP IT. 

The ghost felt scared.  That however did not stop him from telling me that we are going somewhere. In the meantime, he brought me to a flea market to get some clothes. I was wearing a short hospital gown. He disappeared but reappeared shortly to see if I was ready. Not yet.  I found a nice housedress and a beautiful lambskin lined jacket. 

I may have bought it. After reaching the end of the flea market, I was looking for the ghost to go with him. In my thoughts, it was the end and there is no more coming back. But  I could not find him. Someone told me that he got another friend of mine to go with him. Then I woke up. What a dream!!!

The MRI Result
The nurse cancer navigator whose function is to discuss with patients whatever the breast surgeon ordered called me. We never got connected because she was using a cell phone, I can not recognize. The number they gave me was from an answering service which beeped healthcare staff about the calls. Then they are supposed to return the call. I missed the call and it went to the voice mail. But the message was vague. Labo.

I was frustrated and angry because I could not understand why she was asking me to take a biopsy. Again.  Did she confuse me with another patient? For the  past weeks, I had 2 mammograms, one ultrasound and one ultrasound guided biopsy which led me to the scheduling of breast surgery after an MRI and other preop procedures.

Why the biopsy again? The nurse advised me to wait for her call because she was going to clatify it with the surgeon. I said go ahead with a Miriam Santiago-I am -the only- one- and- my- colleagues- who- have- the right- to scream in this court -VOICE. But I begged for her not take it long because I felt that I was attending a long concert when I heard the music from the background while I await for my call to be picked up or transferred.  I hate incompetence not because I am totally perfect in my job but the instruction was not clear. In my part, I considered it a retrogression of the process of finding relief to my newly-diagnosed C.

The following day, I OCCUP(ied)  the living room to wait for the call and to contact some other specialists.
The call came in after lunch. Arghhh. She explained that the MRI last Monday showed another finding in my breast. Another lump. So the breast surgeon wanted to know what it is. But I was resigned already to have mastectomy. Thr nurse said that the treatment after the invasive surgery will also depend on the findings. Arghhhhhhhhhh. She volunteered to call the breast cancer center of the hospital for the schedule. I declined. I said I will be the one to ask for the schedule since the phone she gave me was the old one. That means she is not updated.  It is now centralized scheduling. TSEH. All I asked is for her to fax to the Radiology department the doctor's order of the biopsy. INIS. After two hours, a call from the hospital interviewed me over the phone for information they need for the schedule as to my medical history, meds being taken, blah blah. 

After the interview, the nurse navigator told me as  a summary that based on the meds, and procedures I had undergone , I have diabetes, hypertension, cholesterol, heart issue? abdomen problems, liver cirhossis and liver cancer. She asked me where was I born and raised. I told her, it was where the FUN IS when you're sick because you need to have a down payment before you are admitted to the hospital. (She must be scratching her head). But then she asked me if my siblings are having the same health issues. I said except for hypertension, I am praying that the diseases should stop with me. Their children are still in school and they are happily married. 

The nurse said that I am the exact replica of my mother. All her illnesses manifested in me. Sabi ko sana pera na lang pinamana niya. HAHAHA. Could it be because I am the oldest among the girls? So next week, I am going to battle with C galactica again. I am imagining that I am a super hero equipped with a wand to battle the bad guys. Paranoia, is that you?


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