skip to main
|
skip to sidebar
Dear insansapinas,
Pilit na inaabot ng mahabang kamay ng orasan ang 12 habang nakatuntong sa anim ang maliit na kamay. Alas seis na. Pahid ng mata. Uhm, hindi man lang ako gumalaw pagkatulog. Ang alam ko, nahiga ako, tapos boom, tulog. Diretso sa salas para manood ng news. Abah, kumpleto pa ang sapatos. Biyernes pa lang naman. Katok sa pinto. Tanong sa kapatid: Hindi ka papasok? Sagot: hindi. gabi na eh. Alas seis na.
Sandali, saan napunta yong buong araw? Huwebes, May 10, 2012. Maagang maaga nga pala ako sa ospital, para sa first chemo treatment ko sa breast cancer ko. Noon sa liver cancer kasi surgery. Internal ang infusion ng chemo at ng radiation kaya tulog talaga ako dahil heneral ang anaesthesia. Dito, corporal lang. Padadaanin sa IV.
Para akong pumasok sa isang high end na beauty saloon. May mga lazy boys na upuan na may mga octupos na nakapaligid. Yon bang pag nagkamali ka ng pindot ng button, bigla kang tatalsik ang paa mo at bigla kang mapapahiga. hehehe. May maliit na hanging TV na pwedeng iadjust ang height at close-captioned para yong katabi di maingayan. Yon ang chemo center ng oncology department ng ospital.
Tatlong nurses (oncology nurses) ang naghanda sa akin. May kumuha ng dugo (NA NAMAN, aray) Yon yata ang ibibigay sa bagong bampirong Law and Order dati na si Chris Meloni.
Check kung may pula (RBC) at puti (WBC) akong dugo. Eh yong blue ayaw nila? Kaya marami akong kinaing red pepper kagabi.
Iha, pilipit yong sphygmomanometer, gusto kong sabihin doon sa student nurse. Talo pa siya ng kaatid ko pag kumuha ng blood pressure. At hindi pulse ang naririnig mo. Tiyan ko yan na gutom. Tseh. Taray. Tingin sa kanan, tingin sa kaliwa. walang Tulfo brothers. (sigh).
Ipinaliwanag noong oncology nurse kung ano ang gagawin. May pre meds daw na ibibigay sa akin thru IV. Buong botika ng barangay yata ang kasama doon. Para raw yon sa hilo, pagsusuka at pampatulog. Hige.
Medyo nawala yong sakit pero umiikot ang paningin ko. Para akong nasa tiyobibo.
Me: Nurse, I feel nauseous as if I am in Disneyland.
Nurse: You saved a lot of money, honey, you will spend a lot of money going to a place built by a mouse.. . Your meds are taking effect. You can now sleep.
Me :What about the roast beef that I ordered for lunch?
Nurse: How did you know that it is my favorite? :)
Me: Wahhhhhh...but I do not want to sleep.
Nurse: Why?
Me: I snore big and you might scamper out of the room.
Nurse: Don't worry, I've got a tape for snorers.
Di pa rin ako nakatulog. May dala akong libro. Para naman akong lumilipad. arang gusto kong kumanta ng Wid Beneath your wings.
In fact ako lang ang hindi nakatulog sa mga nagchechemo doon. Yong isang babae, lakas makasigaw nang tusukan ng malaking karayom. Dinig sa Timbuktu. Paramihan ng tusok. The Winner. Pinay. Para ng tattoo eh.
Inis siguro yong student nurse sa again. Madalas ako sa washroom. Siya ang tagatanggal ng IV pole sa kuryente. Ako naman tagatulak. Kaya noong mag-aalas singko na, lalo akong pagod. Sabi noong nakikikapitbahay na Recovery Nurse, you opened and closed the store. Ako nga naman ang unang dumating, ako ang huling aalis. In fwerness. napakasipag noong nurse ko. Puti. Sinusuot pa ang slip on shoes ko sa akin. Makakalimutin nga lang. Naalala ko nga pala yon din ang nurse noong 2007 nang inoperahan ako sa colon. Hindi niya malaman kung saan niya inilagay yong file ko eh hawak hawak niya. Siya pa ang nagtulak ng aking wheel chair hanggang sa lobby. RN yon. Pwede niyang utusan yong mga student nurses na nag-iintern. Hindi niya ginawa.
Sinundo ako ng kapatid ko... Nagsuot ng pj... Nagbasa ng e-mail. Tapos nahiga, ala singko ng hapon. Biglang gumising. Akala umaga na.
Magandang Gabi Pinaysaamerika. Taksiyapo, dementia ang inabot ko sa dami ng gamot na ipinasok sa katawan ko. Kayo sino ba kayo? Bakit kayo nagbabasa. Bakit tabingi kayo? hahaha
Pinaysaamerika
Dear insansapinas,
One of the coping mechanisms in dealing with the dreaded disease-cancer is the management of stress. This could include the activities which were considered luxury when I was busy earning a living like watching favorite TV programs, reading books and indulging in other hobbies. Noon mukha akong tangang hindi ko kilala ang mga artista at hindi ko alam ang mga programa.
So last night, I was watching one of my favorite detective series. It was about perfect murder perpetrated by a zombie. The series was at the point when the two leading detectives were about to be attacked by a horde of zombies when I felt the whole surroundings spinning...the flat screen TV, the laptop, lights, the couch and the camera tripod. As if I was in the middle of whirlpool. It was not nausea. It was like I was in the middle of a carousel and everything was going around including my body.
I shouted for help from my brother who promptly rushed to get the sphygmomanometer and the pulse counting device. (Sabi ko sainyo, mini-pharmacy na kami). My vital signs were normal naman. He was asking me to watch his finger...sunod naman ako...pero singkit kasi ako kaya akala niya nakasara ang mata ko. Tapos iniisip ko pa, hindi ko tapos yong pinanonood ko. (Sampal sa kaliwa, sampal sa kanan, mamatay na yong series pa ng gustong tapusin).
Got the meds for the nausea with upset stomach pero hindi naman upset ng stomach ko. It lasted for five minutes but I already was thinking if the my organs were failing. Pero bakit naman ganoon ang exit ko. Ang scenario ko ng gracious exit ay yong mayroon pa akong dialogue na...at saiyo ay pinamamana ko ang aking back scratcher para matuto ka ring magscratch ng back...ganoon bang tipo.
Ngayong umaga, appointment ko sa doctor ko. Hindi naman yong baba ng aking haemoglobin.
Dear insansapinas,
Personal.
Hindi lang cancer ang aking sakit. Pati diabetes. Hindi ako nagrereklamo, Boss. Nabababanggit ko lang. (tingin sa itaas). bulong, bulong, bulong. May itinuturok ako na pambaba ng blood sugar pero kailangan, kumain ka within thirty minutes. Hindi lang kain ha. Lamon as in parang tinamad ka ng isang Linggo at hindi man lang naulingan ang kaldero. Pag hindi ka kumain ng marami, paggising mo ay para kang gulay na pinagpasasaang lamugin ng mga namamamalengke pero hindi naman binili.
Sensiya na. Ngayong umaga, ganiyan ang naramdaman ko. Pero kumain naman ako ng bibingka kagabi. Kaya lang yong bibingka ay mini, na isang lulon mo lang ang isang piraso. Pag sinuswerte ka, didikit pa sa ngala-ngala mo. Hindi ako kumain ng kanin. Wala akong gana. Masarap naman ang ulam. Smoked bangus.
So, mahina ako nang magising ako. Iniisip ko, mahiga na lang kaya ako maghapon? HINDI. Kailangang kumuha ako ng pantukod para makatayo ako. Ang pantukod ko ay ang aking back scratcher. Hindi ako nagself-pity. Wala namang director na pwedeng madiscover ako kung ako ay iiyak. (Best dramatic actress ako noon sa mga drama namin sa college) AHEM. Sa totoo lang maswerte pa nga ako sa ibang nanay dito na lampas liyebo siyete na, sumasakit na ang rayuma, nag-aalaga pa rin ng mga apo at siya pang nagluluto at naglalaba. Kaniya-kaniyang kapalaran talaga yan.
So unti-unti akong bumangon. Gustong gusto ko pa naman ang magshower lalo pag malamig. Baligtad ba? Hindi. Kasi ang sarap ng init ng shower. Pinapatay ang lamig.
Nagluto ako ng scrambled eggs. Pero hindi ako kumain. Wala pa rin akong gana. Nag-iisip ako kung anong kakainin ko para maalis ang gutom ko. Siguro naranasan na ninyo yon na magutom na kahit anong kain ninyo hindi maalis pakiramdam na nagrarumble ang tiyan mo sa loob.
Dear insansapinas,
Alas tres, gising na ako. May appointment ako sa ospital ng 7:00. Pag natulog pa ako, baka magising ako ng late.
Biro ng nasa registration, did you bring your lunch with you? Nakita niya kasi na hanggang hapon ang procedures na gagawin nila. Sabi ko naman, Not only lunch but also dinner.
Natapos yong dalawang procedures kahit nagkaproblema sa aking kamay. Tumulo yong contrast habang nasa loob ako ng MRI. Tumulo rin ang contrast noong ako ay nasa CATSCAN. Ano ba ako butas? Ahek. I think I got a leak, sabi ko. Natawa yong radiotech. Dinala nila ako sa isang kuwarto na naman ng Nuclear medicine. Pinaupo nila ako sa isang mini-reception room. Tanong noong lalaki. Taga saan ka sa atin? Bigla akong napatanga. Ang hanep, Filipino pala. Kaya pala napakalinis. Ang buhok ay makintab na pwede nang magpadulas ang mga bugs. Ang kaniyang uniform ay plantsado. Kaya naman pala may problema. Wala pa yong gamot na iinjection nila sa akin dahil nakalimutan noong coordinator. Isip nila siguro kung Filipino ang kakausap sa akin, hindi ako masyadong magagalit. Big deal sa ospital ang madelay sila ng 15 minutes. Okay lang sa akin kahit na ginawa kong tulugan yong mga upuan sa TV room kahihintay ng tatlong oras. Ang lamig pa naman. Umuulan pa sa labas. Pati mga ibon, nagsisiksikan sa puno.
Actually, talagang may gap yong injection at yong scanning. So tinapik-tapik ko ang aking noo. Wala pa akong iniinom na gamot eh. Baka biglang magtaasan na naman ang aking blood pressure at blood sugar hindi ko mahabol
.
Punta ako sa cafeteria. Hindi pa ako nagbreakfast. Kahit tubig. Kahabang hallway ang nilakad ko. Maliwanag naman ang daanan. Sa dulo may nakita aking wheel chair na may nakaupo. Ngumiti yong nasalubong ko sa hallway. Dinaanan ko yong wheel chair. Walang nakaupo sa wheel chair na nakaharap sa akin. Ngiiiiiiiii
Dear insansapinas,
Baka hindi ninyo type basahin, ok lang. Kokonsensiyahin ko naman kayo.
Tomorrow, I will have three types of imaging labworks starting 7: am. MRI, para silipin ang liver cancer ko at dalawang catscans para malaman nila na ang cancer ko sa breast ay hindi metastasis. Titingnan ang din ang bones ko para malaman ang exact recipe ng gamot na ibibigay nila sa akin sa treatment. Baka kasi masobrahan, maging bulalo. At siyempre aalamin din kung may nakatago doong mga invaders. Indeed, it is scary and tiring. Kaya nga Battle ang tawag mo sa pagdeal sa sakit na cancer.
Dear insansapinas,
NYaaaaaahhh. Sipa sa aso. Awg (wala pala akong aso). Sipa sa pusa, (meow) wala pala akong pusa. Mainit ang ulo ko kahit na ang weather namin ay bumalik na naman na para bang Pasko pa ba? Kaya ang suot ko ngayon ay parang isang maleta sa bigat. May dalawang pares na ng thermal undies, may sweater at may outerwear. Kulang na lang ang hanger para isang parte na ng aking closet ang suot ko.
Maaga ako sa aking primary care doctor pero hindi nila ako ininform na down pala ang system. So hindi rin makita kung may dugo pa ako o kaya ay may asukal pa ako sa dugo, in short, wala silang computer. Pag kinunan daw ako ng lab, magbabayad ako ng $ 300 to 400. Tseh. If I know, ipaparocess nila yon sa malapit na lab.
Takbo ako (ooops di pala pwedeng tumakbo) sa malapit na ospital para sa aking bloodworks. Okay naman. Maraming pasyente pag weekdays. Ngayon lang ako kinunan ng dugo na may mga kasabay kaya sinigurado ko na papel ko yong hawak ng blood techie. Memya magkapalit-palit pala, biglang buntis ang findings nila sa akin, acheche. May MRI ako sa Huwebes at requirement yon.
Kahapon, mahina talaga ako. Eh huwag ka ba namang kumaing maghapon. (ooops kumain pala ako ng fried egg) tapos may gamot ako sa diabetes na nagpapagutom. Parang ayaw kong tumayo kahapon pero may nagdibdib sa akin. Kinabog ang aking chest.
Dear insansapinas,
I fell from a chair so I can not write (para bang yong paa ko ang susulat). hehehe.
Last Monday, the "Terminator" was supposed to come. Time for pest control. She came late afternoon. Kainis. I was deprived of my daily nap. Although she had the keys, I would like to talk to her regarding the "flying rodents", the pigeons. They nestled in the trees in front our balcony and left their poos all over.
The following day, Tuesday, I had an appointment with my oncologist. I did not call the transport service. I hate waiting for the driver. Nahahigh blood ako. I decided to take the bus. The bus stop was just a few meters away from our residence.
After the doctor, I was feeling sleepy while waiting in the bus stop. I was also having nosebleed because of allergy. A woman who was walking her dog, approached me and asked me if I was okay. I told her that I was and I thanked her for the concern.
Then the man with sleeping bag (it was clean), big tote bags and a jacket came. He put all his belongings to the bench while he was standing outside the bus stop waiting for the bus to come. A mother- daughter also came but stayed outside the bus stop too.
I side-glanced at the things of the man. They're clean for a bum. Baka bagong bum lang. My eyes were still drooping and my nose was still bleeding. Para akong tulog na naglalakad.
I boarded the bus when it came. So was the man and so were the ladies. At the nearest bus stop close to my home, I got off. The man stopped also the bus and got off. Hmm, dito ba bababa yon?
Dear insansapinas,
Today is Black Saturday. My mom used to tell me that this is supposed to be the day when we should be somber since God is still dead. This is the time for soul searching. I can't, right at the moment. I might become depressed.
So the other night, I watched the rerun of the America's Funniest Videos. There were four little girls who were chatting. One girl was bragging that her father got a gold tooth. She kept on repeating it that the other girl got annoyed. She faced the other girls and loudly told them that his father got diabetes. The little girls who did not know what diabetes is shut up. Parang yong "Wala sa Lolo Ko Yan" pissing contest among kids and adults.
My grandchild may have won if someone tells him that a relative got cancer and is still alive. My TSG Generation 2 may have said, wala yan sa lola ko, dalawa cancer niya, ayun nagpapatawa pa.
Forgive me if my humor is bland. After the death of Angelo Castro, I thought other cancer patients may have considered him lucky for ending his battle.Those who are suffering from pain know how it is to undergo treatments, tests and, laboratories . A day ago, I was looking at the doctor's order for me. Hindi pagkain, kung hindi series of catscan, bone scan, breast, abdomen and blood works. Question is, if I am too tired of it, why not just simply decline. Sabihin na nating gusto kong maging hero to the end. HA HA HA. My hero complex talaga. By becoming a guinea pig not because, I subjected myself to some new experimental medication the cancer doctor appreciates the feedback, I gave him regarding my observation of the effect on me. What may be lethal to one may just have mild effect to others, like the medical procedure applied to me for my liver cancer. Now, I will be undergoing the breast cancer treatment and he is seeing to it, that he starts clean.My Caucasian FIL donated his brain to a university in San Fancisco for further study about alzheimer's when he died. He was a pathologist and he was very much interested about diseases.
Besides, you can not just lie down and wait to die.
The reason why cancer patients do not want to give up yet is because of the family. I saw the picture of the family of Angelo de Castro, Jr, The children are still young. If not because of the pain and the hopelessness, he would have wished a longer life to see his children grow up.
My father did not die of cancer. He was a stroke victim. He was in a coma for more than a month, I suspected that during that " Black Satruday" in his life, he negotiated with the "Boss" to allow him to stay and guide us while we were growing up. In Ghost Whisperer's parlance, he did not want to go to the white light yet.
The night he died, he visited us but it was only me who was awake and felt the kiss of goodbye. Up to now, I am grateful to him that he gave me that opportunity to see his soul.
When I married early, my mother said that my father was lonely and that he was crying a lot in her dream. Now I know why.
Question, do I believe in afterlife? Oo naman. Rather than go to a place without bottle of water expecting that there will be flowing water in the destination, I better go there prepared by bringing one. ANG LABO YATANG EXPLANATION ko.toinkz
Dear insansapinas,
Sugod ako sa doctor. Available na raw ang aking prescription for painkillier. Pero meron pang isang prescription para sa pagiging anemic. Bumagsak ang hemoglobin ko sa carpet. Kailangan ko raw ng Iron. Sa Pilipinas hindi ako magkakaroon ng Iron Deficiency. Pwede kong ngatngatin yong plantsang gawa sa bakal. Pwede rin namang isuga ako sa riles ng tren. Pero kinalimutan ko na ang aking pagmemeryenda na ng mga pako.
Pagdating sa pharmacy, sabi sa akin noong katabi kong matandang babae, dapat daw multivitamin ang aking i-take, hindi lang yong Iron. Kasi magkakaparoblema ako sa aking pagbawas. Baka tawagin ko ang lahat ng Santo dahil kasintigas din ng bakal ang lalabas. Ew. Kailangan ko na naman ang uminom ng Colace at pag sumobra naman yon, kailangan ko rin ang imodium. Wala talagang ligtas sa pharmaceutical industry.
*************
My friend put up her house on a short sale. She is losing $22,000 a year for that property. She is going to buy a much cheaper house where she can live and save on rent .According to her, the houses are so dirt cheap that you can find a big house in Vegas with swimming pool for $ 50,000. Ano naman ang gagawin mo sa Vegas? Another house in their place has a tag price of $ 25,000. Good time to buy properties for those with extra money to spare. Meron nang balita na isang babae ang binasag ang kaniyang piggybank at bumili ng worth na $ 10,000 na bahay.
Just saying to people asking why would someone buy a house during recession.
*************
In the episode of Bluebloods, a series about a family of NYPD law enforcers from commissioner to ADA to detective, the grandniece felt guity for not coming to the rescue of her friend/classmate in a Catholic university where they are both sixteen year old students. Someone uploaded a picture of her friend wearing bikini in the cell phones of the elite students of the university. She became the butt of jokes of the studentry. No, there was no punishment from the school admin since the culprit was not identified. Wala pa si Judas. The grandniece sought the help of her uncle, the cop to trace who did it.
Dear insansapinas,
For the record your honor, I would like to make a manifestation.
I will be going to the hospital, an hour from now for my surgery. Ahhh, I miss my chocolate drink and oatmeal cookie this morning. I am not allowed to take anything except my meds since midnight.
Last night, I've dreamed that I was walking (hindi sa Tuwid na daan, ahoy) towards a place where coconut trees grow. Someone painted the coconuts white so that they looked more like huge eggs. As I passed them, I was heading towards a dark place (may blackout, hehehehe) and my feet just would not move.
I woke up and went to the bathroom. When I slept again, I had the same dream; white eggs and the dark place where I would not go. Ayaw talaga ng brownout.
This morning, I read that the Legacy CEO died of cancer. It is just unfortunate that the alleged billions that he bilked from depositors did not save his life.No, I do not think it is a punishment for his alleged crime because if that is so, even the victim of the scam who lost 20 million pesos and has cancer is also being punished? Paano na lang ang cancer treatment niya? The other day, I received the bill for my first surgery. I thought it was for the entire operation. Hinayupak, anaesthesia lang pala yon na good for six hours. Almost 3 k. Blag.
Pinaysaamerika
Dear insansapinas,
More than a week ago, I saw in the news a special feature of a car accident where the lone survivor narrated that she saw her friends (they were drunk when the car was totaled) left her. She said she was shouting at them not to leave but then she could not believe that they could just easily get up and walked. All of them were inside the crashed vehicle.
It was only when she was saved that she realized it may have been the souls of her friends who stood up and walked away from the scene of the accident. Her friends died in the crash.
Second surgery
I will have my surgery tomorrow. The beauty of the new technology is that I did not have to go to the hospital for preop. They just referred to my medical records which I updated in their database. The phone call from the preop nurse was just meant for instructions.
Last night I have a dream. It was my friend who died of breast cancer. In the dream, she knocked at my door and told me that she is the one who is going to fetch me, NGIIIIIIII. I looked for my mom and made sumbong that she is now getting me. NGIIIIIII.
Pinaysaamerika
Dear insansapinas,
Nahhh,I am not expressing love to someone. It literally means heart. Yesterday, I had echocardiogram. Unlike the first time, I had it in 2007 when I could not see the screen, I had the chance to see my HEART beating and creating that noise, blag, blag, blag. Hindi siya hugis puso. Puso ng saging pwede pa.
The tech said that I got a GOOD heart. Di mabait kung hindi maayos. I kidded her (foreigner siya, immigrant from Europe) that I thought I am already heartless. The joke did not sink in at once. hehehe.
Kaya pala dami kong dinaanang mga sigwa sa buhay, yong puso ko, tumitibok pa rin. After the procedure, I was escorted to the lobby. The room where I came from was dark so I have to make adjustment to my vision. In doing so, I was a little unstable that I looked for a seat to temporarily take a rest. The janitor ( he was also immigrant although he is colored) stopped me from sitting down. Naglilinis daw siya. Ang hinayupak, imbes na tulungan akong umupo, ibinaladra yong vacuum cleaner. Those seats are really for patients waiting in the emergency line. Pinalalakad pa niya ako doon sa mga upuan na malayo. Kaya nga walang tatalo sa Pinoy pagiging matulungin. Itong taong tao, inuna pa yong paglilinis niya kaysa sa matutumba.
But I insisted to sit down. If he was going to refuse once more, I am going to call the administrator. That hospital assures the patients of prompt and courteus service. That's the reason why they escort the patients to the lobby (there were four lobbies depending on the service) so that they do not have to get lost in the maze of hallways.
The patients are also encouraged to get the attention of the administrator in case no one is attending to them after over 15 minutes of waiting.
But I did not complain. I know he is also an immigrant and he must be on a probationary basis yet. I do not want him to lose his job because of demerits. If that work attitude will continue, sooner or later, he will be kicked out of that service-oriented facility.
Before I left, I said thank you for allowing me to sit down PORWAHILE. He just nodded. He could not look at me. Then came some Caucasians. I observed him. He did not say anything. Was it because of his encounter with me or sinusubukan din niya kung sino ang mabubully niya?
Ambulance, Paramedics, Firetruck and Sheriff
Dear insansapinas,
photocredit: webmd
Sabi ng ibang commentator tungkol sa Azkals, dahil locker ng mga lalaki yon, expect na okay lang kahit ano ang gawin nila. WRONG. Sa mga lockers ng private gym ng mga high profile na corporation (para sa mga privileged nilang mga executives) at sa maraming gym, kabastusan yong maglalakad ka ng nakabrief lang. Kaya nga sila binibigyan ng tuwalya. Kawalan ng paggalang yon sa iba na kahit lalaki ayaw makakita ng bagay na dapat ay for personal viewing lang.
Kahit sa private membership gym, may mga etiquette pag nasa men's locker.
Walking Around
- Do not walk around the locker room nude. If you must walk somewhere, there should be a reason and you should wear a towel (at a minimum) or put on your underwear and, preferably, pants.
- Walk with a purpose in the locker room...don't just stroll around naked, especially next to guys sitting on the benches putting shoes on, etc. This is rude. Last thing a guy trying to get psyched up for his workout and putting on his shoes needs to see is another guy's schlong at eye level.
=============
3. This week naman, magpapaechocardiogram ako, required ng doctor. Aalamin daw kung may puso pa ako.
=============
Dear insansapinas,
Just woke up. Naah, I am not confused. I know it is 6 pm. I was early today in the clinic of my oncologist to discuss the treatment after the surgery. Napagod ako.
He told me that I am going to lose my hair. Nagkaproblema tuloy ako kung anong klaseng wig ang bibilhin ko. Kulay pink ba? Kulay blonde or kulay puti. Acheche.
I watched the replay of the impeachment trial. I called up my friend. Told ya so. The allowances are greater than the basic pay when you are working in the government.
What was interesting to behold was Ret. Justice Cuevas when he was observing a prosecutor- lawyer cross eamined the witness. Para siyang si Silvester na nalunok si Tweety.
Dear insansapinas,
This week, I did not go out. Most of the time, I am in bed. The wounds hurt. Sometimes I forget that it's been barely a month that I had the surgery. The tube which was removed last week still left an unhealed wound. My friend, the nurse said that I should rest.
Minsan napapalakad ako ng mabilis tapos marerealized ko may sakit nga pala ako. ahek.
This afternoon, I received a rosary from the mother of my friend. What's special about it was it is from the healing priest Father Fernando Suarez. His mother attended one of the healing masses and she thought of me. They got me one. They've been trying to reach me to ask for my address because I decided not to entertain calls anymore from people seeking help and advice. They think that I can solve their problems when my own problem is more serious. But they did not care.
Dear insansapinas,
Maghapon last Friday kami ng kapatid kong pumunta sa mga especialista. Pinakahuli yon surgeon na nag-opera sa breast cancer ko. Aalisin na sana niya ang drain pero hindi pa raw pwede kaya reschedule ako next week.
Sabi ng aking kaibigan na nurse, ang cheap ko raw. Buy one, take two ako nang sinabi ko sa kaniya ang findings. Dalawang separate cancers ang inalis niya sa isa ko lang breast. Normally, isa lang at maraming mga nodes. Ang dalawa ay may sarli silang mundo sa -isa't isa.
Biruan lang namin yon. Uncomfortable kaming mag-iyakan o malungkot kaya pabiro lahat an trato namin sa kaganapan sa akin.
Anyway, pagnapag-uusapan namin ang ibang fwends namin, (mahilig sa hearsay) maswerte na rin ako. Malayo pa ang lalakbayin nila at hindi pa nila alam kung ano pa ang kanilang masasalubong sa daan.
Sabi nga ng aking isang specialista, Good luck. mwehehe.
Dear insansapinas,
It is easy to dull the physical pain . Sa akin titingin ako sa taas at sisigaw silently ng ARAY.
At first my surgeon recommended that I stay in the hospital for five days so she can monitor the drain, Eh ang kaso nga, ayaw akong makatulog kahit ilang morphine na ang isaksak sa akin,
Should have I known that it is more difficult nowadays to get the painkilller which is under controlled substance, I could have stayed in the hospital.
For two days now, I run out of painkiller. Imaginin ninyo ang naoperahan kayo at sumasakit ang bahagi ng katawan na tinanggalan ka ng bahagi. Sakit noon. Lumalabas pa sa drain ang blood. Maybe I can attibute my high tolerance of pain to my childhood experience.
My mother would wonder why I would not cry even if I received a physical punishment. I would not cry after break-ups kasi hindi naman ako nagboboyfriend hanggang.... and lately, I would not allow myself to fall into depression because someone has chosen another to be his companion ti'll the end, I Have Nothing, Erase, erase, nakikinig lang ako ng music ni Whitney Houston, Toinkkk, Sana mayroon ng available na refill bukas. Kung hindi baka bumirit ako ng I Will Always LOve YOU.
Pinaysaamerika
Dear insansapinas,
Dumating yong partner ng doctor ko. Pwede na raw akong umuwi. Makakapagpahinga pa raw ako sa bahay. Hige. Sabi noong chef, pababaunan niya ako ng soup. Pinuri ko yong sabaw nila. Pero nakaalis-ako't nakaalis, wala yong pabaon sa akin. Bolera.
Kasi busy sa mga insructions ang nurse. Isa na doon ay yong Jackson Patt drain na inilalagay after breast surgery para masuck yong bloody liquid na cause ng surgery. Kagabi, hindi siya nagwork, sa labas siya ng drain, tumatagas. Para tulo akong sinaksak sa likod. Ngiii. Kaya takbo naman kami sa emergency para ipaayos. Sus. Habang naglalakad ako sa emergency hall, tulog yata ako. hahaha.
Pinasaamerika
Dear insansapinas,
Saan ka naman nakakita nang ooperahan, nanonood pa ng DVD sa lab. Ganito yon.Dinala ako sa radiology department kung saan may malaking camera. Parang xerox nachine na malaki o kaya flat bed na scanner. Kailangan may interval na thirty minutes, sabi sa akin noong female Chinese na "photographer"hindi na lang ako dadalhin sa holding area tapos ibabalik ulit. Wala naman daw patiente, kaya pinanood ako ng DVD habang naghhintay." How To Lose A man in 10 days". Hindi ko naman gusto ang gumaganap, si Kate at si Matt; pero buti naman at nakahiga ako. Binibirahan ko ng tulog. Sana kung porn...erase, erase, erase.
Nng matapos and kodakan, inenjectionan direkta yong nakuha nilang lumps at ang mga nodes. Ngiiii, ang syringe eh kasing laki ng
maliit na screw driver.Sakiiiit. Tapos yong general anesthesia. Hindi raw pwede ang mababa ang ranggo.
Nang magising ako, nasa kuwarto na ako. Alas kuwatro na ng hapon. Ang ingay. Wala namang tao except yong kapatid ko na tahmik na nagbabasa ng Kindle.
Marami na akong mga tusok. May sa IV, may sa morphine. netcetera.Tulog ako ulit. Pakilala mg mga narses. Pikit ulit ng mata.Vital signs. Pirma na hindi ako tatayo na walag alalay na narses. Bawal. baka nga naman matumba, mademanda ng pasyente.Inventory mg dala. Titulo ng mga lupa (guffaw), kaban ng alahas, mga time deposits. hahahhahahaha.
Dating ang dinner. Umuwi na ang kapatid ko habng pinapangal ko ang manok. In fairness. Masarap ang pagkain nila sa ospital na yon
The whole night, gising lang ako. Tahimik supposed to be. Ang maingay ay typewriter na yong nagttype. NA WALA NAMAN. Dahil computerized`na NG SYSTEM. Saka nasa labas lang yon. Sa may nurses' desk.
Saturday, marami ulit pinasok sa katawan ko. Antibiotics, Painkillers. Utos ng doctor na hindi ko nakikita. First time akong tumayo. Nahihilo ba ako? Hindi naman. Punta ako sa toilet para alisin ang drain. Every eight hours yon. Messy.
Lunch. Constipated siya.
Pinaysaamerika
Dear insansapinas,
When I was still active and travelled a lot, I had this "TO GO BAG". Inside were my personal items, some candies and paperbacks to read. The moment my boss asked me to board a plane with curlers and all, I just picked up this bag together with another bag where my "workclothes" were stuffed depending on the kind of assignment I had. I do not use the shampoos and soaps provided by the hotels, lodging areas and pension houses. Dulo lang ng buhok ko ang nasashampoo ko sa liit ng mga sachets o small bottles nila. Ang soap naman ay mayroon akong preference na sabon---PERLA. hahahaha
This morning I woke up two minutes before 2 AM, that's 3 pm for you there in the Philippines. Blame the impeachment trial, my clock was automatically set at this time every day even during Fridays, Sundays and holidays.
Yesterday, I already dusted my "To Go Bag" which now I use when I check in at the hospital for admission.
Let me take the inventory:
1. kawali
2. kaldero
erase, erase, erase
1. glasses- distance and reading glasses
2. rosary (BANAL AKO eh, pero di small)
3. set of thermals
4. pants
5. personal kit (meron sa ospital pero ang nouthwash nila parang tubig na nilagyan ng asukal)
6. paper back,etc,etc,
The surgery is scheduled at 11:00 am but I have to be there ar 6:00. Iinjectionan daw nila yong lumps. Aray. Tapos MRI guided yong surgery para makita nila yong nakalutang na lump. . Palagay ko yong movable na naman na peste yon.Kakabitan ako ng oxygen, IV for anaesthesia para pagbilang nila sasabihin ko, hindi ako tinatalaban ng anaest....ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Tanong ng kapatid ko, anong oras kami aalis, 5:30? Sagot ko naman, ang aga naman noon, 5:40 na lang.
Tumawad pa. Toinkkk.
Tinanong ako kung nag-email na ako sa mga TG. Sabi ko hindi na. Mag-aalala lang ang mga yon. May prayer brigade naman sila. Eh ang pinakamalapit dito, six hours ang flight.Kahit si ex-hubby na gustong ma-update ay di ko na sasabihan. Worrywart yon. Mauuna pang himatayin yon kaysa sa akin. Boinks.
Sa ospital naman, pag lumampas ka na sa NON HOSPITAL PERSONNEL NOT ALLOWED, maghihintay na lang ang kasama mo sa labas.
Pagkagaling naman sa surgery room, sa isang lugar ka dadalhin habang inaayos ang room. Okay nasa akin ang semi private. Total yong kasama ko naman sa kuwarto ang di nakakatulog sa lakas ng hilik ko, NGORK, NGORK.
Pinaysaamerika
