Saturday, April 07, 2012

Black Saturday in your life

Dear insansapinas,

Today is Black Saturday. My mom used to tell me that this is supposed to be the day when we should be somber since God is still dead. This is the time for soul searching. I can't, right at the moment. I might become depressed. 

So the other night, I watched the rerun of the America's Funniest Videos. There were four little girls who were chatting. One girl was bragging that her father got a gold tooth. She kept on repeating it that the other girl got annoyed. She faced the other girls and loudly told them that his father got diabetes. The little girls who did not know what diabetes is shut up. Parang yong "Wala sa Lolo Ko Yan" pissing contest among kids and adults. 
My grandchild may have won if someone tells him that a relative got cancer and is still alive. My TSG Generation 2 may have said, wala yan sa lola ko, dalawa cancer niya, ayun nagpapatawa pa.

Forgive me if my humor is bland. After the death of Angelo Castro, I thought other cancer patients may have considered  him lucky for ending his battle.Those who are  suffering from pain know how it is to undergo treatments, tests and, laboratories . A day ago, I was looking at the doctor's order for me. Hindi pagkain, kung hindi series of catscan, bone scan, breast, abdomen and blood works. Question is, if I am too tired of it, why not just simply decline. Sabihin na nating gusto kong maging hero to the end. HA HA HA. My hero complex talaga.  By becoming a guinea pig not because, I subjected myself to some new experimental medication the  cancer doctor appreciates the feedback, I gave him regarding my observation of the effect on me.  What may be lethal to one may just have mild effect to others, like the medical procedure applied to me for my liver cancer. Now, I will be undergoing the breast cancer treatment and he is seeing to it, that he starts clean.My Caucasian FIL donated his brain to a university in San Fancisco for further study about alzheimer's when he died. He was a pathologist and he was very much interested about diseases. 

Besides, you can not just lie down and wait to die.

The reason why cancer patients do not want to give up yet is because of the family. I saw the picture of the family of Angelo de Castro, Jr, The children are still young. If not because of the pain and the hopelessness, he would have wished a longer life  to see his children grow up.

My father did not die of cancer. He was a stroke victim. He was in a coma for more than a month, I suspected that during that " Black Satruday" in his life, he negotiated with the "Boss" to allow him to stay and guide us while we were growing up. In Ghost Whisperer's parlance, he did not want to go to the white light yet. 

The night he died, he visited us but it was only me who was awake and felt the kiss of goodbye. Up to now, I am grateful to him that he gave me that opportunity to see his soul. 

When I married early, my mother said that my father was  lonely and  that he was crying a lot in her dream. Now I know why. 

Question, do I believe in afterlife? Oo naman. Rather than go to a place without bottle of water expecting that there will be flowing water in the destination, I better go there prepared by bringing one. ANG LABO YATANG EXPLANATION ko.toinkz

Do I ever ask, why me Lord? Nah. I pray that I better have it than a member of the family who would not be able to afford the expenses of the treatment and would not be able to control the emotions which like a tempest, they vary according to moods.

Do I ever ask, when it is going to end? Oo naman, but I am already used to my life that when I thought I was at the end of the road, another road appears in the horizon. Kahit hindi Tuwid na Daan.


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