Thursday, December 23, 2010

Santa Claus and the Books for Dummies Part 1

Dear insansapinas,

I read one time that Santa Claus is just a fairy tale or a folk legend and therefore he did not exist. Wrong, Virginia. Santa Claus was real. When I say real, he's flesh and blood.

Saint Nicholas  also called Nikolaos of Myra inspired the popular folk-legend of Santa Claus, but was himself a historic 4th-century saint and Greek  Bishop of Myra (Demre, in Lycia, part of modern-day Turkey). He had a reputation for secret gift-giving, such as putting coins in the shoes of those who left them out for him, and thus became the model for Santa Claus, whose modern name comes from the Dutch Sinterklaas.
source: Wikipedia

Books for Dummies
Now that we have established that there was really Santa Claus, let us bestow gifts to the naughty and nice people in the government, media and entertainment -- The How-to-Books-for-Dummies for the headline makers for this year 2010. Yan straight na English yan ng walang kurap. Twtwtwtwte (sound of fast blinking eyes). For some, one book is enough; for others, two or three books are generous.

 Mai "Sorry-walang-pogi-dito-and-the-wine-sucks-in-Vietnam" Mislang

1. How to Launch several thousand tweets in an hour for dummies
2. How to Look for Good-looking Guys in Vietnam for Dummies
3. How to  Recommend Good Tasting Wine to Host Country for Dummies
4. How to Respond to the Immediate Boss when Asked Which Wine tastes better for Dummies.

CHR Commissioner Coco"Quisumbing

1. How to Conduct Press Conference ("If you're not in my line of sight, I'm not going to talk to you. If you're not going to listen to me and position yourselves as I ask you to, I'm just gonna walk out the door," )  for Dummies
2. How to Conduct Interview inside the Ladies' Room for Dummies 

Rico E. Puno -DILG USEC

1. How To Read Manual on Hostage Taking ("I am not capable of handling hostage situations. I am not trained to do that. I do not have the experience to handle hostage situations,"  )for Dummies.
2. How to Submit Resignation that will not be accepted for Dummies.

Department of Tourism
1. How to Design a Tourism Promo Faster than a Speeding Bullet for Dummies
2. How to Spend Millions to Test the Tourism Promo if it will fly for Dummies

Banko Sentral ng Pilipinas
1. How to Print Errors-Filled Philippine Pesos and Get Away with it by denying there are no errors (Pause, hingal) for Dummies.

2. How to Change the Color of Unique Parrot species(to blend daw sa color scheme)  for Dummies.
3. How to Resize a Map by Redrawing the Territorial Waters of the Philippines by removing a group of islands (hindi raw magkasya-hindi naman raw GPS-hindi naman daw mapa) (pause, hingal ulit) for Dummies.
4. How to realign the map of the Philippines by moving the location of T. Reefs (gusto lang maipakita ang general location) for Dummies.

Ricky ' Which-wine-the-red-or-the-white" Carandang

1. How To use Twitter Account for Dummies.

Tim "Eto na, PCSO confirms one winner—his name is Miko Morelos. " Yap

1. How to Launch Several Thousand tweets in one minute for Dummies.
2. How to Outscoop News Reporters in Reporting Lotto Winners for Dummies
3. How To Endanger the Life of a Lotto Winner for Dummies


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