Thursday, April 21, 2011

Lessons I learned from friends

Dear insansapinas,

These are the lessons I learned from my friends:
1. Money never equals love. Do not buy expensive things for people to show how much you love them. Love can not be bought.  The best way to show love is to spend your time with them. 
For me naman as long as it is cash, okay lang. hohoho.

My lady friend was busy with her so many businesses that she did not have enough time for her family. Her husband was not a good provider so she took it to herself to be the bread winner. After closing a business deal which brought her a lot of money, she bought a multi-million house in Ayala-Alabang. Just weeks before the new house is completed,  she left for Europe to check on her mother and siblings. She left a big amount of money to her husband  for the remaining construction expenses.  When she came back, the house was not even ready for painting. 
She found out that he bought a car for his mistress and all the money is gone. In their confrontation, she  made him choose between her and the mistress with a warning that  he would lose all the luxuries that he was enjoying if he chose to leave. And that was he did exactly--he chose to leave. 

 2.  Grownups don't always make the best decisions. Sometimes they screw up just as bad as the young ones. 

Another lady friend of mine who has two masterals and one PhD almost alienated herself from her children.
She lost her husband and out of loneliness, she had fallen in love with her Phd professor who is married. Yes Virgina, even in the academe, cupid is mightier than Einstein. I do not like the guy myself. I had not attempted to dissuade her from involving herself to the man I know was just using her. I did not want her to distance herself from me like what she did to her other friends who she thought were being self-righteous when they were not saints themselves. My thought was, I could be of better help, if I were around who could listen to her. That's what I did as a friend. No encouragement, no judgement and no words of wisdom to the wise. 

The rebellion came from home. Her teen girls left their home to live with the grandparents on their father side. They refused to talk to her.  The eldest failed most of her subjects. After she realized the effect of the illicit affair on her family, she tried to to make amends with her children. Later, she was convinced that the man would not really leave the wife for her. 

3.  Life isn't fair. It never was, it never will be. There will always be someone better, faster, stronger. You do your best, and no one can say anything about it.

He was the magna cum laude of the graduating class that year. I was the first to " take him under my wings". 
Thru my recommendation, he was given a scholarship for his masteral and was made to teach in College even he was not done yet with his MBA. I put my hope that he would become our first candidate for topnotcher in the CPA Board Exam. He failed me. But that did not stop me from introducing him to some people who can help him boost his career. Then I heard rumors. He was making money from students. First in the Admission test. It is difficult to get admitted in the university since it is funded by the city, so except for some, all students do not pay tuition fees. Out of a total number of applicants, only a small 10 per cent is admitted in the different curricular programme. He was accused of receiving money in exchange for a promise that they will be taken in. That is impossible.

Aside from the admission scam, many students approached the student affairs to complain about him. He owed them a lot of money put together.
I started making queries. I found out that aside from he's hooked on drugs (which was not obvious) he was also into casino. 
I brought the case to my superior who was a gentle old compassionate lady. She was the one who told me that problems are not solved by simply eliminating the perceived problem. She called him in his office, agreed to pay his debts with the condition that installment payments will be deducted from his salaries. He was made to promise to change his ways.

He did only for a few months. He was back to his old self despite the reminders and warnings. When I brought the problem to the old lady, she gave me the permission to do whatever was appropriate.

4. Save your money. There is always a rainy day.  Have the cash in the bank.

She was an ordinary stay-at-home mom, married to high ranking officer in a shipping company. They were able to buy lots of properties and had the biggest convenience store in that community. Then her husband died while on duty. She received a big sum of money from the shipping and insurance companies. Hardly a year after she was widowed, she met a man who was bound for Saudi to follow his wife. He never made the trip. They lived in together with the two children from her previous marriage.

The man introduced her to mahjong. First, it was a weekend affair. Then it became seven days a week. The man never had a permanent job. The years had gone by, the properties were sold  and they woke up one morning that they had no more money.

The children were going to College. The convenience store was empty except for long expired canned goods.
The house was going to be foreclosed. The daughter worked during summer to save for her books and tuition fees.
The mother found the stashed savings and she spent them all in the mahjong table hoping that she could double it. 
Learning that her money was gone, the daughter run away. Only a friend was able to persuade her to come back.
She finished college, went abroad and never came back. The couple had to move to a small apartment when the house was foreclosed by the bank.They subsisted on earnings from a small shoe-repair shop. 


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