Monday, January 10, 2011

Conversation with a Priest- Cancer Pain and the Dark night

Dear insansapinas,
In his article, going through the dark night, Resty wrote:
Since each person is a unique creation, each person going through the dark night needs specific care, in case it is available. Not everyone will or can understand that person, and it's very hard to find anyone who's willing and, more importantly, able. Unfortunately, this causes the person further distress, as he experiences feelings of rejection, being misunderstood, being misjudged as overacting, and so on. Maybe that's part and parcel of the dark night package. 
In surviving the dark night, then, it is crucial to go through it with an amount of courage or "the ability to go on living despite fear" (as insighfully defined by someone). There is a need for some trepidatious openness to what one doesn't know and expect.
Nahh, my liver cancer was not treated. It was the pain. When you got cancer, there are two kinds of pain, the pain from the disease itself and the pain from treatment. As Michael Douglas had said after his bout with several rounds of chemo for his throat cancer, he was wondering why a cancer patient has to go to hell just to stay alive. 
Mukherjee: Pain from cancer is treated using a variety of different methods – from medicines, counseling, holistic therapies to meditation. Just as there is no archetypal cancer patient, there is no archetypal treatment for pain. But all these methods work in different populations of patients. Opiates, such as morphine, are effective in certain cases. In other cases, a psychiatric drug can help, such as an antidepressant. In other cases, more holistic approaches are helpful. Usually, the best place to begin is with the question: What is the cause of the pain? Or where, exactly, does it hurt? Is the pain psychic? Is it emotional?
When the doctors asked me where the pain is, I can just tell them that it is all over the stomach area. That's the physical pain. But I also feel the pain in my chest that made me think whether I have it also in my breast. 
I realized that  it is more of the emotional pain--Of being sick--  longing to see people who I know are simply not coming. Lately, I have been pondering that it could be that they're afraid that I might seek financial help from them for the treatment. 
They should know me better than that. I am not the kind of person who would spend my money in all these latest gizmos and gadgets to keep up with the joneses so that I have something to put aside for the rainy days. It is not raining; there is a hurricane. 

When I was younger, I bought the lots from a memorial park not only to move the bones of the my deceased father and grandpa but also to be prepared in the event someone in the family dies. My friends thought I was weird. 
In the hospital, days ago, a priest visited me.  Non-Catholics would not understand the sacrament of Confession. For me, it is just like talking to a shrink which many people in the United States do to vent their frustrations in life, their failures, their anger and their loneliness.
I talked about forgiveness that I am hesitant to give.  

No comments: