Friday, December 31, 2010

New Year's Eve

Dear insansapinas,
Happy New Year to All. 

grapes - check
orange- check
clementine- check
banana- check
strawberry -check

Hindi na ako bumili ng pitong prutas na bilog. Para hindi barya ang dumating. Umulan sana ng dolyar. 

polka dotted blouse-check
coins- check

okay so i am ready for the new year. No firecrackers, no fountain. no bawang, kahit Boy bawang. Last year may mga teeners na nag-attempt magpaputok sa may tabi namin. Huli sila kung di sila nagtatago sa mga puno. Kung ako tinanong, magmamakapili ako. Ituturo ko sila. 

We have our noche buena which I already ate for dinner. Hindi ako nagbreakfast at lunch. 

Fried  Chicken. My mother could have raised a howl. No chicken during New Year please, yan ang palagi niyang request. Isang kahig daw at isang tuka. Arghh.

Fate and Wishes-part 1

Dear insansapinas,

It took me days to write on this topic. Not everyone would like to read about the inevitable--curtain call for our life performance on earth. I tried to choose the words I used.  

Resty's blog and my friend's calls made me do it. 

Resty wrote: 

The bargaining came next as another inevitability. How I wish God could still extend her life. How I wish she could live longer so could treat her better than the last time we had coffee in Glorietta. I wish she stayed longer so I could give her a better gift on her next birthday. (All these should teach me that I should treat my family and friends as if it's their last birthday.)
A few years ago, I had the habit of calling friends during weekends. That was when I was working Monday to Friday. Weekends were supposed to be reserved for my laundry, shopping, housecleaning and sleeping.
But I made it a point to call my mother early morning (that was already noon in the East Coast) to talk to her for hours. She was always alone in Virginia since my sister was holding two jobs. She was not sick of cancer yet. I spent more hours when she was already confined in the hospital.  After the regular phone call, I called up some friends to say how were they coping in the harsh world away from their loved ones in the Philippines. I used to be their listening ears for their woes. They thought that I am a person who does not have any problem because of my happy disposition in life. If they only knew.

For several weeks, I had been meaning to call a friend but kept postponing it. Until that day when I came across his phone number while looking for someone else's.  I dialed his landline and an unfamiliar voice responded. She said, wala na siya.
I asked where did he go, thinking that  he might have moved residence.

"Wala na siya. Patay na, " came the answer that shocked me. He died after visiting a dentist. The wife could not explain why. If I only have called him. These were the thoughts that haunted me for several months.  But would that prevent his death? Nah. But as mothers and wives of my friends would tell me..."We are surprised why they open to you, their problems, their wishes and rants." I thought it may be because I got big ears.

Some days ago, I called up my best friend. There were missed calls in our phone. I must be out to my doctor's appointment. She brought her husband to the emergency. She protested the co-pay that the hospital charged her. She kept from the doctor that it was the third time that her husband had the same emergency issue which could have warranted a recommendation for surgery. She said she could not afford it. Last year, he had an operation which bankrupted them despite their  family insurance coverage.

Then she cried. She asked me how do I do it? I asked what? To put a brave face despite the verdict that I have a terminal illness. Just the thought of her husband's health issue makes her depressed.

But I am not brave. Like Resty, I pondered on several questions about life and death. When I am alone, I am sad. People are scared of dying because no one knows the unknown world after life. Is there really heaven and hell?  Is this a kind of punishment ?

Resty wrote:
The questions could taste bitter. Is this a form of punishment? If so, what has she done to deserve it? Did she suffer all that in payment for her forebears' sins? What horrible offenses might those be? I was told this last thought was anti-New Testament, an assault on the Catholic ritual of baptism. But isn't sin its own punishment, like Bo Sanchez wrote recently, which inevitably means not only that sin is its own curse, but also that sin always comes with consequences, no matter the reparation, and woe to anyone on whose shoulders the chips may 'randomly' fall. 
When I read this part of his blog, I started 'browsing"  the archives of my life. Is this a punishment for swatting the moths? Baka they conspired to make a revenge. Lechzee. They kept on flying near my lap top as they're attracted by the brightness of my pc screen.

 I could not even make myself kill a small mouse that was trapped in our bathroom after climbing the bath tub's plumbing. Lalo na siguro kung lumuhod sa harap ko at nagmakaawa kagaya noong napanood ko sa World's Dumbest Criminals. Aggh, I promised I will be serious in this blog.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Celebrities who died in 2010-Philippines

Dear insansapinas,
Ito ang mga celebrities na namatay sa taong 2010.

Jojo Acuin

Hindi man siya artista, masasabing celebrity rin si Jojo Acuin dahil sa mga hula niya sa mga artista, pulitiko at iba pang kilalang tao. Siya ang tinatawag na  "Nostradamus of Asia and the Pacific". Namatay siya noong April 29, 2010. 

Redford White

Cipriano CermeƱo II (December 5, 1955 – July 25, 2010), better known as Redford White, was a Filipino actor and comedian who was active from the late 1970s until the late 2000s. He died on July 25, 2010 from complications of brain ang lung cancer.
source: wikipedia

Charlie Davao

Charlie Davao (October 7, 1934 – August 8, 2010) was a Filipino actor known for roles in film and television. He had four children with his first wife, namely, Bing, Ricky, Marielle and Marie.

He  died unexpectedly at Philippine General Hospital in Manila on August 8, 2010, at the age of 75. He had been suffering from colon cancer.
source: wikipedia

Johnny Delgado

He was born on February 29, 1948. He is the son of Ben Feleo, a film director, and Victorina Marasigan, an educator.
He is the husband of actress-director Laurice Guillen and the father of actresses Anna Feleo and Ina Feleo.

In 2008, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. However, it was later determined that his disease has been misdiagnosed; in fact, he was suffering from lymphoma. He died on November 19, 2009, in the family residence.
source: wikipedia

Carmen Ronda

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Doctors on a Holiday, Cat's Hair and Young Shoplifters

Dear insansapinas,

Sugod kami ng kapatid ko sa doctor. On our way to the medical center, nadaanan namin ang isang maliit na memorial park. Parang mga Filipino rin ang mga Puti. Nag-ooffer sila sa mga namatay na kamag-anak. Sa karamihan ng memorial stones, may maliliit na Christmas trees. May Christmas wreaths. May bulaklak at toys siguro. The living did not forget the dead  during the holidays.

Wala ang aking regular na primary physician. Nakaholiday. Isang doctor na Indian ang siyang tumingin sa akin. International na ang aking doctor. Russian, Italian, Pakistani, Indian, Hispanic, Irish  at Chinese. Pero walang mga pasyente sa reception area. Nakaholiday din siguro. Sakit lang nga siguro ang di naghoholiday.

Isang pasyente pa ang dumating at tumayo sa malapit sa akin. Nakaitim na jacket siya. Puno ng balahibo ng pusa. Mahanap nga ang pusang yan para mapangaralan at mapagsabihang magbago ng shampoo. Tseh. Gusto kong padaanan ng lint remover ang jacket noong babae. 

Isang medical staff naman ang lumabas. Gusto ko namang habulin ng plantsa.  Gusot-gusot yong blue niyang smock. Buti naman nakapagsuklay. Haynaku ang mga Pinoy, inaalmirol (spray starch) pa ang kanilang mga smock. Hindi papasok ang mga yan kung hindi napalantsa ang uniporme at winashing machine ang kanilang sapatos.

Tinawag ako sa loob. Kailangan ng urine specimen. Sus, pag sa bahay, halos walang isang oras pumupunta ako sa restroom. Ngayon ang tagal kong nakatingkayad walang lumalabas. (Huwag mag-imagine, sasampalin ko kayo). Kulang na lang, kumuha pa ako ng isang specimen bottle na nakatambak sa box sa restroom (may cellophane naman) punuin ng tubig mula sa sink at inumin para may lumabas. Tseh. Gross. Pweh.

Pagkagaling sa doctor, tuloy kami sa ospital. Akala ng kapatid ko may catscan ako bago ang aking operation. Pero blood works muna. Tapos punta na kami sa pharmacy. Itinawag ng doctor ang aking bagong prescription at pipick-upin namin. 

Hindi pa raw ready. So niyaya ako ng kapatid ko sa paborito naming pasyalan--library. Kasusoli lang namin ng mga NY Best Sellers na novel nina David Baldacci, James Patterson at Kathy Reichs (Bones). May bago si John Grisham. Whoa at si J. Patterson. 

Holiday din ang library. Half day lang daw. Aghhh. Balik sa mall. Habang naghihintay ay nag-order ako ng Quarter Pounder sa Mc Donald's na nasa loob ng mall. Last na kain ko ng MD sa San Fran, kailangan gumamit ako ng magnifier para makita ko yong Cheeseburger. Toinkkk. Ano kaniyo cholesterol at carbo? Gusto ko namang kumain ng burger sandwich, kasi wala akong appetite para sa kanin.

Balik ang aking kapatid sa pharmacy. Nakaupo pa rin ako sa MD. May dumaang lalaki, ngumiti, kumaway. 
Isip ko ako ba ang kinakawayan noon? Tingin ako sa likod ko. May wall. Ako nga. Hindi naman siya George Lopez. nwehehe.

New Year's Resolutions Noon at Ngayon

Dear insansapinas,

Meron ako dapat ipopost ang thoughts ko sa blog ni Resty tungkol sa kaniyang namatay na kaibigan, kaya lang papunta ko ngayon sa doctor ko at sa ospital. Pagbalik. Mahaba eh. Isa pa malabo yata ang aking salamin. Sinong nagsabing naiyak ako? Prssssst.

Ang nasa ibaba ay reposted last year na dinagdagan ko na inupdate ko ngayong taon.  Ito ang mga karaniwang resolutions ng tao pagdating ng Bagong Taon.


1. Lose Weight- Yong aking kaibigan, ito palagi ang kaniyang New Year's resolution. Successful naman siya. Successful siyang iwala niya yong  kanyang weighing scale. 

Sinubok ko ito para bang iwawala mo ang iyong pusa sa pamamagitan ng pagliligaw sa kaniya. Successful. Nawala yong pusa.


New Year's resolution niya ulit. Hindi na nawala yong weighing scale. Ayun, basag-basag. Itinapon sa basura.


2. Do not drink - May kaibigan akong Indonesian na nag-aral sa Pinas. Kung lumaklak siya ng San Miguel beer, isang case, parang tubig lang. Ako uminom lang kalahating boteng beer, kumakanta na. Baka pag naubos ko ang isang bote, sumayaw na ako sa ibabaw ng lamesa. Baka pag nakadalawa ako nag lap dance na ako. (Biglang wisik ng holy water).
Umuwi ang kaibigan ko sa Indonesia. Nang pumunta ako roon, dumalaw siya sa hotel ko. Tinanong ko kung umiinom pa siya. Sabi niya hindi na. May asawa na siya. Hindi na siya umiinom ng San Miguel Beer. Ibang brand na lang.  wohoo.


Yong asawa ng kaibigan ko. Matapos maoperahan sa kidney at sa iba pang parte ng katawan, new year's resolution din niya ang huwag ng uminom ---sa bahay. Dumadayo na lang siya sa mga kaibigan. Ploinkkk


3. Quit smoking-Isa kong ring kaibigan, naging new year's resolution ang huwag ng manigarilyo. Ayun, huminto na siyang binili niya. Nanghihingi na lang siya.


Yon asawa ng aking kakilala, nangako na ring huwag magsigarilyo. Hindi na nga siya naninigarilyo. Sinisinghot na lang yong usok ng mga sigarilyo ng barkada. Sus, second hand smoke rin. 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Tuyo, Toilet Paper, Ai-Ai delas Alas and Kris Aquino

Dear insansapinas, 

Tuyo at Toilet Paper
Pagkatapos ng mga calories at fats na isinaksak natin sa ating system, maghahanap naman tayo ng mga mercury-laden na pagkain. Isda. Seafood. At ano pa ba ang pinakamasarap kung hindi ang sinaksakan ng formaldehyde na tuyo o kaya tinapa?  Mainit na kanin. kamatis at talbos ng kamote na pinigaan ng kalamansi. Augh. Sakit sa mga may hyperacidity. Parang pinipigaan din ang lining nga stomach. Ewww. 

Hanggang buntong hininga lang sa akin yan, kasi wala ditong tuyo at tinapa. Sa San Fran meron. Lumabas nga ako para bumili ng seafood. Whoa, inexpect ko walang laman ang mga shelves ng grocery pero puno naman. Kasi dito sa East Coast pag may bagyo, nililimas ng mga tao ang pagkain para magstock kagaya last year. Ngayon nakahanda ang store. Replenish kaagad ng stock.  

Sa San Fran naman ang iniistock, toilet paper at paper towel. Obserbahan ninyo ang mga lumalabas sa Costco, ang lalaking balot ng toilet paper at paper towel ang nasa shopping cart nila.

Ako nga pag namili doon, pwede ko nang isama ang aking mga kapitbahay o kaya dalawang taon kung gagamitin o higit pa kung titipirin ko lang ang toilet paper. Gumamit ng tabo. Silly Hindi yong kapiranggot lang ang gagamitin.

Dito naman sa East Coast ang iba bumibili ng buong baka, baboy at mga dressed chicken. Iniimbak nila sa freezer para pag may yelo sa labas, di na kailangang lumabas.

Ako naman nag-iimbak din, pero maliliit lang at may sarili silang imbakan, gawa sa LATA. Delata kasi. 

Ai-Ai delas Alas at Kris Aquino

Nabasa ko noong isang araw na nagsalita si Kris Aquino na kaya raw ayaw niyang manalo o sumali sa awards-awards dahil nga baka raw maintriga na naman siya sa MMFF.

Mga Predictions - Part 2

Dear insansapinas,

Ito ang ikalawang bahagi ng End of the World predictions na nabulilyaso.
Karamihan sa mga predictions ay nanggaling sa mga taong nagsasabing nakausap nila si Bossing sa itaas. (tingin sa sarili, tingin sa salamin. ako rin ginagawa ko yan ha).

William Miller - 1843

Ang end of the world sa mga relihiyoso ay palaging sinasabing the Second Coming of Christ o the Coming of Christ for Judgement. 
Si Miller prinedict niya sa kababasa ng bible na darating ulit si Bossing noong 1843. Inisnob siya. Di Dumating si Bossing. Abala siguro sa iba pang parte ng mundo. Bakit nga ba sa New England lang malalaman ang katapusan ng mundo, hane? 
A New England farmer named William Miller, after several years of very careful study of his Bible, concluded that God's chosen time to destroy the world could be divined from a strict literal interpretation of scripture. As he explained to anyone who would listen, the world would end some time between March 21, 1843 and March 21, 1844. He preached and published enough to eventually lead thousands of followers (known as Millerites) who decided that the actual date was April 23, 1843. Many sold or gave away their possessions, assuming they would not be needed; though when April 23 arrived (but Jesus didn't) the group eventually disbanded—some of them forming what is now the Seventh Day Adventists.
Joseph Smith
Ang founder naman ng Mormon Church ay nagsabi na sa pag-uusap nila ni Bossing, sabi ay darating ulit siya after 56 years. 1835 yon. Ngayon, matagal na silang nagkita ni Bossing sa itaas. Siguro pinangangaralan siya ng huwag magsasabi ng hindi totoo.

Mormon Armageddon, 1891 or earlier
Joseph Smith, founder of the Mormon church, called a meeting of his church leaders in February 1835 to tell them that he had spoken to God recently, and during their conversation he learned that Jesus would return within the next 56 years, after which the End Times would begin promptly.

Pat Robertson, 1982

Hindi ko nabalitaan itong kay Pat Robertson, siguro kasi hindi naman ako nanonood ng kaniyang programa. At saka sa aming baryo, marami ring mga local doomsayers.  Sabi nila katapusan na ng mundo nang mamatay ang kanilang lider sa kulto. Naghintay sila sa pagbabalik. Tumanda na sila, retrato lang ni McArthur na nagsabing I Shall Return ang kanilang naalala at yong pelikula ni Arnold Swars whatever na nagsasabing I Will be Back...hasta la vista babee.
In May 1980, televangelist and Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson startled and alarmed many when — contrary to Matthew 24:36 ("No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven...") he informed his "700 Club" TV show audience around the world that he knew when the world would end. "I guarantee you by the end of 1982 there is going to be a judgment on the world," Robertson said.
God's Church Ministry, Fall 2008
Ito ang kailan lang. Kung hindi pala ako nakaligtas sa sakit ko noog 2007, patay naman ako sa End of the World kung natuloy noong 2008.  
According to God's Church minister Ronald Weinland, the end times are upon us-- again. His 2006 book "2008: God's Final Witness" states that hundreds of millions of people will die, and by the end of 2006, "there will be a maximum time of two years remaining before the world will be plunged into the worst time of all human history. By the fall of 2008, the United States will have collapsed as a world power, and no longer exist as an independent nation."
Nostradamus, August 1999

Monday, December 27, 2010

Mga Predictions- Part 1

Dear insansapinas,

End of the World Predictions. Kailan nga ba mga ateh?
Naaah, I am writing this not because I lost my internet connections again. Internet addicts feel that it is the end of the world when they could not access their e-mail, facebook, twitter and other favorite social networking websites.
Don't be shy, raise your hands or nod your heads, mga kabarangay. Hiya pa kayo. Denial pa kayo.

I am really referring to the end of the world aka, heavenly bodies falling like bowling pins, ocean flooding and toppling the man-built structures...yada yada yada.

Here in the US, you will see some guys carrying a sign, The End of the World is Coming. Nakita ko sila pagdating ko hanggang ngayon nandoon pa rin sila sa downtown. 

Noong 1997, ginulantang ang mga taga San Diego, CA sa mass suicide ng members ng Heaven's Gate Cult. Prediction nila kasi magugunaw ang mundo at sino man ang sumama sa kanila ay makakaligtas dahil sila ay sasakay sa space ship. Wala kaming nabalitaang kasamang Filipino, kasi nag-insist daw na magdala ng dalawang balikbayan boxes na puno ng spam at karne norte para baon. So Denied siya. Toinkkk.
Seriously ito ang balita niyan
Followers of the Heaven's Gate cult, led primarily by Marshall Applewhite, thought Earth and everything on it were about to be "recycled" to a clean slate, and believed hitching a ride on comet Hale-Bopp in March 1997 could allow them to survive. Thirty-nine members (including Applewhite) poisoned themselves in shifts in a California mansion wearing Nike's sneakers and armbands that read "Heaven's Gate Away Team."
Noong 2000, may prediction din na katapusan ng mundo. Ang mga computers daw ay magugulo. Kaya bago kami nagbakasyon sa opisina, nag-imprinta kami ng hard copies ng aming financial records. Sa dami ng reams ng bond paper, kailangang hukayin namin ang papel para makapasok sa aming department. bwahaha.
Nang pasukan na, okay naman ang aming computers at matagal din naming rinicycle yong bond paper. Kaya pagpasok mo sa aming department, huwag kang magugulat kong may mga bangkang papel, eruplanong papel at mga placemat na mga bond papers.
Y2K, Jan. 1, 2000
As the last century drew to a close, many people grew concerned that computers might bring about doomsday. The problem, first noted in the early 1970s, was that many computers would not be able to tell the difference between 2000 and 1900 dates. No one was really sure what that would do, but many suggested catastrophic problems ranging from vast blackouts to nuclear holocaust. Gun sales jumped and survivalists prepared to live in bunkers, but the new millennium began with only a few glitches.
Mayan Apocalypse
Ang latest ngayon ay ang Mayan apocalypse na marami ng pelikulang binasehan ito. Ang end of the world daw ay December 21, 2012. Nggggiii. Pero may magandang balita, may extension daw. Ano yan BIR or IRS tax payments? Pwede raw extended ng 50 to 100 years. O di va magandang balita yan. Kung liyebo trese lang kayo ngayon, otsenta na kayo kung extended ng 50 years. Pwede na kayong sumakay sa wheelchair para tumakas.
It's a good news/bad news situation for believers in the 2012 Mayan apocalypse. The good news is that the Mayan "Long Count" calendar may not end on Dec. 21, 2012 (and, by extension, the world may not end along with it). The bad news for prophecy believers? If the calendar doesn't end in December 2012, no one knows when it actually will — or if it has already.
A new critique, published as a chapter in the new textbook "Calendars and Years II: Astronomy and Time in the Ancient and Medieval World" (Oxbow Books, 2010), argues that the accepted conversions of dates from Mayan to the modern calendar may be off by as much as 50 or 100 years.
The Chicken and the Eggs' prediction
Noong 1806, nangitlog daw ang manok sa Leeds, isang Englishtown kung saan  nakalagay doon kung kailan magugunaw ang mundo. 

Sunday, December 26, 2010

MetroManila Film Festival Awards Night

Dear insansapinas,
Para sa mga kababayang Filipino sa abroad na gustomg malaman ang mga awardees sa Metro Manila Film  Festival  2010 na maibabalita sa diyaryo bukas pa ng umaga. Ito ang mga nananalo. Showbiz na showbiz talaga si Pinay.

1. Best Picture- Ang Tanging Ina Mo Rin (Last na 'to)

2. Second best picture- Rosario

3. Third best picture- Metanoia
4. Best Actor- Dolphy -Jejemon

5. Best Supporting Actor- Dolphy- Rosario (sabi ko na nga ba, magaling talaga ang arte niya kahit trailer lang ang nakita ko.
6. Best Supporting Actress- Eugene Domingo -Ang Tanging Ina Mo rin
7. Best Director- Wen Deramas - Ang Tanging Ina Mo Rin (Last na 'to)
8. Best Story Screenplay - Mel del Rosario-Ang Tanging Ina Mo Rin (Last na 'to)
9. Best Story - Mel del Rosario - Ang Tanging Ina Mo Rin (Last na 'to)
AT ANG BEST ACTRESS ay si KRis eheste, AI-AI delas Alas.

Ang Top Three Grossers 
1. Si Enteng Kabisote at Agimat
2. Ang Tanging Ina mo rin (Last na 'to)
3. Dalaw

Iba pang Awards:

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Catfish for Media Noche and Smoke Alarm for Jingle Bells in DC

Dear insansapinas,

As early as Friday, I was stuck in the phone. Relatives and friends had been calling to greet me Merry Christmas. 

As I had written in my previous blog, I was busy preparing for the noche buena--by selecting from the menu printed from the computer what to order.  Kung pwede nga lang ipadeliver sa computer, gagawin pa niya but then the resto is just a 2 minute drive. May GPS pag nilakad mo.

I chose sweetwater catfish lightly breaded  with cornmeal with sweet soul jalapeno and remoulade (whatever) sauces. Translation. HITO. mwahahaha Complete meal ito. May corn, may salad at bread.

Huwag kayong maghanap ng retrato kasi hindi pa lumalalamig, binanatan ko na. Ang hito dito ay hindi kagaya diyan na itim at flat ang nguso. Dito ay silver ang kulay (siyempre Merkano eh), pero meron din siyang whiskers. Siguro kamag-anak ng pusa sa lupa. Meow.

Diyan ang luto sa hito ay ginataan, inihaw o kaya ay pinirito. Dito wala ka nang makikitang ebidensiya na siya ay hito dahil pinaghati-hati na siya, Ang mga Puti ay hindi kumakain ng mga isda na may ulo at may buntot at ang mata ay nakatitig saiyo  kaya ginagawa na nilang fillet sa store pa lang.

Sa SF noon,bumibili ako ng buhay na isda(pumapalag pa at nandidilat ang mga na parang  pinagiguilty ka). Bibili nga ako ng buhay pero ipapa-"murder" ko naman sa mga taong nakaassign sa fish section na nagbibigay ng serbisyo sa bumimili ng mga isda sa pamamagitan ng pagkaliskis, paghiwa at minsan ay pagprito ng isdang binili, buhay, frozen o naghihingalo.  Kaya lang problema, karamihan sa mga taong ito ay  hindi sila makaintindi ng English kaya kung minsan ang isda ay kulang na lang malasog sa dami ng hiwa dahil binilang nila kung ilang beses mong pinakita kung paano hatiin. Hindi nila alam, repeat na yong sumunod. Para masolve ang problem,  nagprovide ang store management ng mga retrato kung anong gusto mong gawin sa isda. Ituturo mo na lang.

Sa LA, sa isang grocery doon na pag-aari daw ng isang controversial na  politician sa Pilipinas Kay Ganda Koh, ang mga nagsisilbi sa fish section ay mga Filipino. Habang kinaliskisan, kumakanta pa sila. Hindi dahil required pero baka nga naman sila madiscover. Pero friendly sila at masayang kausap habang kinakatay ang bangus o kinaliskisan ang tilapia.

Ang luto ko sa catfish ay sinigang sa miso. Kala mo marunong magluto. toinkkkk. palo ng siyanse. Tinuro lang sa akin ng naging tenant ka na matanda. Sarap.

Huminto lang akong magluto noong sinigang na catfish ng isang kaibigang lalaki ng aking kabalay ay may magdadala ng dalang hito at mga ingredients at doon daw siya kakain. Ano siya sinusuwerte. Mukha ba akong Cook?

 Yong order ng  kapatid ko ay Baby Back Ribs. Ang ganda ng description eh.Hand-rubbed with tongue tingling secret spices. Alang hiya, translation, nilamas ng kamay...yada yada...Sarap nga. Tapos kamot pa yong cook. sa kaniyang... (pero in fwerness naman ang mga nasa kitchen dito nakasuot ng non-latex gloves not unless may binulong ang waiter na hindi ka magaling magTIP. Humanda ka.

Smoke Alarm
Saturday, na-alarm ang kapatid ko, wala palang bukas na store. Normally meron. Pero ngayon wala. Balak pa naman sana naming umorder na naman. So hanap siya nang maluluto. Pinakita sa akin, longanisa. Oke. Hirap lutuin noon. hichichic

Pasok ako sa kuwarto, kasi kausap ko ang aking ex-hubby na tumawag at ginigreet ako ng Merry Christmas. Naguilty naman ako at tumawag siya at ako ay busy nakikipagdaldalan sa kaibigan ko sa Pinas na magbabakasyon sa Bicol kung saan nakatira ang kaniyang fiancee. Tinatanong ako kung anong pagkain ang hahanapin niya at saan sila puwedeng mamasyal. Sabi ko ipaubaya mo saiyong fiancee, alam niya. Sabi ko maghanap siya ng kinunot na pating o page.

So magkausap kami ni ex at sabi maglolongdrive siya papunta sa San Fran para dalawin ang kaniyang step grandma. Kita mo buhay pa ang step grandma niya na mahigit ng 90. Nameet ko na yon noong meet the parents and relatives. Sa bahay nila kumain kami ng cranberry pie na binake niya at uminom ng cranberry juice. Kala ko meryenda, yon pala yon na ang lunch nila. Pagdating ko sa bahay namin lamon ako na parang hindi kumain ng isandaang taon. Hindi naman dahil matipid siya pero ganoon talaga sila eh. Hindi kagaya natin na hindi pagkain yan kung walang kanin at ulam.

So balik tayo sa smoke alarm. Habang nag-uusap kami panay ang ingay ng smoke alarm. Tanong niya kung nagluluto ako. Sabi ko, brother ko. Tanong niya, what is he cooking? Why the alarm does not stop. Sabi ko lechon. hahaha. Kulit niya, what's lechon?
Sagot ko, that's the whole pig barbecued in a big stick. Like lechong mawnok? Tanong niya. Yon naalala niya pinakain ko sa kaniya. Kasi doon siya nagdiarrhea. hohohoho

Controversial Celebrities - How-to-Books for Dummies.

Dear insansapinas,

Kris Aquino 
Aminin na natin Ateh na ang Entertainment at ang Media will never be the same again pag wala ang KRIS AQUINO. Siya ang controversial na wala pang makakatalo kahit sinong celebrity. Noon ang pagbubuntis, ang pagkakaroon ng mga nakakataas na kilay na mga pangyayari ay pinipilit itinatago. Ngayon pinagmamalaki pa ng mga artista na hindi sila magpapakasal kahit sila ay nabuntis na. Hindi na rin nila tinatago na sila ay may mga anak. Totoong tao na sila kagaya ni Krwiss. 

Kaya si Santa Claus ay nagreregalo kay Kris ng sampung HOW-TO- For Dummies books.

1. How to convince your beauty stylist to pretend that she is the new girl of your brother to spite your future-sis-in-law-who-was-dumped for Dummies.

2. How to lose the public sympathy by announcing that you are divorcing the husband and serving the summon at the time he was receiving an award for Dummies
3. How to use the excuse of I am just in the 'hood so I decided to drop by in confronting the text mate of your husband for Dummies.

4. How to get back the threat to migrate to other countries where there is TFC if she becomes a problem of her brother for Dummies.

5. How to steal the nation's  attention from your equally famous  brother by appearing in the talk show with the usual tulo-ng-luha  and pa-awa ek-ek  for Dummies

6. How to recognize that the strategy of shedding buckets of tears no longer move the public for Dummies

7. How to Make  your son campaign  for the rival candidate for Dummies.

8. How to reward celebrity friends who helped in the campaign with plum positions in the government for Dummies.

9. How to Solicit Dates from High Profile Widowed Politician and Media Person for Dummies

10. How to Save Face when a hosted program does not rate for Dummies

Vicky Belo

The controversial cosmetic surgeon who is considered the cougar of all cougars. Ano ang cougar? Yon ata ang nilalagay sa cafe. mwehehe. Ang cougar ay mga babaeng mas preferred ang mga bata sa kanila.

ITo ang regalo ni Santa Claus sa kaniya:

1. How to get invited at the Dancing with the stars with the BF in tow for Dummies.

2. How to Market the Perfume to Deodorize the Image of BF   for Dummies

3. How to Save The BF from Conviction for Dummies

4. How Market the Clinic Thru the Airport Arrival Cards for Dummies

Sharon Cuneta

Friday, December 24, 2010

Noche Buena

Dear insansapinas,
Bago ang regular programming, bati muna ako.
Merry Christmas sa mga tatlo plus kong readers. mweheheh.

Busy ako magprepare ng Noche Buena. Mahirap maghanap sa menu kung ano ang oorderin. Toinkkk.

Dalawa lang naman kami bakit magluluto pa. Pag ginawa ko ulit ang magluto, magPapasko na ulit, boarder pa rin namin ang left over na hamon at iba pang pagkain.Nakakalat kasi ang mga kamag-anak corporation namin dito sa States. Ang hirap magsama-sama pag Pasko.Five hundred flights cancelled ngayon because of snow sa East Coast. Kawawa naman ang mga nastranded.Mula nang mastranded ako last year sa Detroit dahil cancelled ang flight ko at mga sumunod na flights, nagkaroon na ako ng flying-during-holidays-phobia parang yong movie ni John Candy noon na Ariplane, Automobile at Train.

Pag nastranded ka dahil sa weather, wala kang libreng hotel accommodation o kaya refund at kapag connecting flight yon, at nagcheck-in ka sa hotel using your own plastic, pumapatak ang metro sa hotel at ang mga food expenses. Usually ang libre lang kasi breakfast. Pag nahuli ka pa ng gising, ni boiled eggs wala kang maibubulsa. Toinkk.


Thursday, December 23, 2010

Santa Claus and the Books for Dummies Part 1

Dear insansapinas,

I read one time that Santa Claus is just a fairy tale or a folk legend and therefore he did not exist. Wrong, Virginia. Santa Claus was real. When I say real, he's flesh and blood.

Saint Nicholas  also called Nikolaos of Myra inspired the popular folk-legend of Santa Claus, but was himself a historic 4th-century saint and Greek  Bishop of Myra (Demre, in Lycia, part of modern-day Turkey). He had a reputation for secret gift-giving, such as putting coins in the shoes of those who left them out for him, and thus became the model for Santa Claus, whose modern name comes from the Dutch Sinterklaas.
source: Wikipedia

Books for Dummies
Now that we have established that there was really Santa Claus, let us bestow gifts to the naughty and nice people in the government, media and entertainment -- The How-to-Books-for-Dummies for the headline makers for this year 2010. Yan straight na English yan ng walang kurap. Twtwtwtwte (sound of fast blinking eyes). For some, one book is enough; for others, two or three books are generous.

 Mai "Sorry-walang-pogi-dito-and-the-wine-sucks-in-Vietnam" Mislang

1. How to Launch several thousand tweets in an hour for dummies
2. How to Look for Good-looking Guys in Vietnam for Dummies
3. How to  Recommend Good Tasting Wine to Host Country for Dummies
4. How to Respond to the Immediate Boss when Asked Which Wine tastes better for Dummies.

CHR Commissioner Coco"Quisumbing

1. How to Conduct Press Conference ("If you're not in my line of sight, I'm not going to talk to you. If you're not going to listen to me and position yourselves as I ask you to, I'm just gonna walk out the door," )  for Dummies
2. How to Conduct Interview inside the Ladies' Room for Dummies 

Rico E. Puno -DILG USEC

1. How To Read Manual on Hostage Taking ("I am not capable of handling hostage situations. I am not trained to do that. I do not have the experience to handle hostage situations,"  )for Dummies.
2. How to Submit Resignation that will not be accepted for Dummies.

Department of Tourism
1. How to Design a Tourism Promo Faster than a Speeding Bullet for Dummies
2. How to Spend Millions to Test the Tourism Promo if it will fly for Dummies

Banko Sentral ng Pilipinas
1. How to Print Errors-Filled Philippine Pesos and Get Away with it by denying there are no errors (Pause, hingal) for Dummies.

2. How to Change the Color of Unique Parrot species(to blend daw sa color scheme)  for Dummies.
3. How to Resize a Map by Redrawing the Territorial Waters of the Philippines by removing a group of islands (hindi raw magkasya-hindi naman raw GPS-hindi naman daw mapa) (pause, hingal ulit) for Dummies.
4. How to realign the map of the Philippines by moving the location of T. Reefs (gusto lang maipakita ang general location) for Dummies.

Senior Moments- Ang nawawalang thermos at basura

Dear insansapinas,

Hindi pa po ako retired. Matagal pa bago ko maenjoy ang inihulog ko sa Social Security ni Uncle Sam pero madalas na po ang aking senior moments.

Sabagay bata pa ako marami na akong senior moments. Kagaya noong minsan, lumabas ako sa sala, may hawak ng kutsilyo. Tanong sa akin ng aking bisita, aanuhin mo ang kutsilyo? Tiningnan ko ang kutsilyo. Hindi ko maalala bakit ako may hawak ng kutsilyo. Sabi ko sa bisita ko, alam ko may gigilitan ako pero hindi ko maalala sino. Ngggggiiiii. Yon pala dapat ang kinuha ko tinidor. Pantusok ng meriendang inihanda ko. Bwahaha.

Kahapon, mayroon na naman akong senior moments. Tinatapos ko kasi yong POSTCARD KILLERS ni James Patterson. Nasa last chapter na ako. Yong mahuhuli na nila yong dalawang magkapatid na pumapatay sa Europe for the sake of ART. (hindi po tao yong art, yon po ang mga kinulapol na mga pintura sa canvas na kahit ang mga pintor hindi nila alam ang kanilang ginagawa, ahek. O diva yong pinsan ko nanalo sa abstract painting. Itinapon na raw niya sa basura yon pero niretrieve ng nanay niya at isinali sa contest . O  kaya mga sculpture na hindi mo maintindihan kung baligtad ba ang mga yon, nakahiga o basta na lang metal na iniwan sa isang plaza). 

Balik tayo sa senior moments. Iniwan ko ang libro sa couch para kunin ang jar ng moisturizer at  pampaalis ng mga patay na skin sa bathroom . Oo Birhinya, dahil sa mainit na tubig ang ginagamit ko (kahit na mayroon akong gloves) nagdadry ang aking kamay kaya nagbabalat siya. 

Balik ako sa living room. Apply ko ang moisturizer habang tinatapos ko ang novel. Haaah. Ano? Hindi lang sila ang pumapatay? 

Naalala ko iinom pala ako ng gamot. Tayo ako. Dala-dala ko ang jar ng moisturizer, ibabalik ko sa bathroom.

Bago ako pumasok sa bathroon, dumaan muna ako sa bedroom ko para kunin ang aking thermos bottle na may lamang tea. (ginagamit ko pag inom ng aking sandosenang gamot). 

Pasok ako sa bathroom. Balik sa dining room. Abot ng pill box. Kuha ng walong pills para sa morning. Lagay lahat sa mouth. Abot ng thermos bottle. WALA. WALA. Nasaan ang thermos? Hindi ako mamatay sa sakit. Sa katangahan ako mamatay, sa isip ko. Para ko ng nakikita sa tabloid dito: Headline. A beautiful woman (Ahek, hehehe walang kokontra) died of choking by her pills. Nyek nyek nyek. 

Natutunaw ang mga pills sa aking dila. PAIT, Ate. Hinanap ko ang thermos. Sinundan ko pabalik ang pinuntahan ko. Pero parang alam ko na kung nasaan. TAMA, nasa  bathroom pantry. Kasama ng mga iba pang mga pamahid sa katawan, shampoo, sabon na hindi pa nabubuksan. Toinkk.

Mas malala ang sa kapatid ko. Mas bata siya sa akin. 

Isang umaga papasok siya sa trabaho. Rinnggggg. Cell phone niya. Nasa sasakyan na siya. Tanong sa akin.
May nakikita ka bang basura diyan sa may pinto. Anong basura tanong ko naman habang subo ako ng sangwich. Yong basura na itatapon ko, sabi niya. (mayroon malaking trash bin sa community kung saan pinipick-up ang basura. Shape itong maliit na bahay)

Hindi mo ba dala? tanong ko. Hinahanap ko nga, sagot niya. ALA. Baka naglakad. Tumakas. Hinanap  ko. Wala naman sa pagbukas ng pinto. Binuksan ko ang pinto. Wala naman sa labas. Dahil kung nandoon sa labas. Baka kumatok na yon. Hajajaja.
Ganoon yong kapatid ko pag may dinidesign na kung ano ba para sa system nila. May senior moments din. Mas gusto nilang sabihing absent-minded.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

The Clueless Pharma Tech-When in doubt, call your doctor

Dear insansapinas,

I met Santa today. He is the cable tech. I thought it is the end of the world. Our internet, phone aand cable channels were down for 24 hours. You can just imagine the stress I had until he fixed it an hour ago. You should see my nails, naubos kakagat. Tsktsktsktsk.

Besides, I could not call the pharmacy and my doctor. Our phone line is dead. It is a package, you know.

Yesterday before the big TV screen turned black and my lap tough showed yellow color in the corner (I hate the color, it means there is no internet access), I made an order for refill of two of my more than a dozen meds; called my doctor because the pharma tech could not even pronounced the name of the drug. I  waited for the return call. 

Pharma tech may just be a licensed slash glorified sales associate in pharmacy. To get the license, they need not enroll in a short term course. Many undergo on-the-job-training in pharmacy and then take the licensing exam once they have accumulated the required number of hours. People with pharmacy degrees earn more than nurses. They have to finish a six-year degree course.

Back to the clueless pharma tech. Lack of sleep in the previous night should have turned me into a cranky bitch but having been in her shoes (do not know the size; she got heavy accent so I suspect that she is an immigrant, pero alam ko hindi siya pinay)  during my first few weeks in the telephone when  some people laughed at my accent ), I mustered a lot of patience in dealing with her. I even saw a halo on top of my head. Ganiyan ako kabait at hindi nagtaray.

PT: What's the RX number?
ME: RX number of G is blah blah; RX number for N is blah blah
PT: She repeated what I dictated. Wrong. She interchangeably assigned the RX numbers. Arghh

So I patiently told her the mistake and asked to repeat until she got it right. Nabawasan ang aking ganda points ng isang kilo sa kunsomisyon.

PT: You should get a prescription for these meds from your doctor.
ME: Are you in front of your computer? ( ang pharmacy ko ay chinecheck sa computer ang records ng patients/customers para sa doctor, updated prescriptions at listahan ng mga medicines).  If you are, then you can check that my doctor does not issue prescription pad. She merely calls the pharmacy. This is not the first time I ordered for the meds.
PT: Is it Dr. Blah blah?
ME: No, that was my previous doctor. (Parang hindi siya nakakaintindi ng English). If you will check further, you will see the name of my current doctor somewhere in the computer screen. Isang kilo ng pawis kung ako ay nagpapawis ang nabawas sa akin sa inis.Pasensiya pa rin. 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Total Lunar Eclipse

Dear insansapinas,
It was past 12 midnight. I went to the kitchen to get hot hot milk. I had not slept a single wink for the night.
I saw lights emanating from the computer in the living room and the silhouette of my brother sitting in his desk. The lights from the chandelier were not on. I thought he was working. Then he went out to the balcony. Akala ko hihintayin si Santa Claus. Then I remembered that it was lunar eclipse that can be seen here in the US. I wanted to  watch pero I like to go to bed. If I don't I will be cranky  tomorrow (today). 

I was lucky to see this video of the eclipse. O di va. 

Stargazers who were willing to give up a little sleep got to catch the last lunar eclipse of 2010 early Tuesday.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Dolphy, ZsaZsa and dela Cruz- The Palusot Moments

Dear insansapinas,
Nagsorry si Dolphy at sinabing aalisin ang eksena sa Father Jejemon. 

Now I am crying. Naaah, it is not because I am sick or what (though talagang sick nga, hehehe) or in pain. I am crying sa inis. Yes, Virginia. Sa Inis. Yon bang nagsasalubong ang kilay ko pero hindi naman sila nagkukumustahan. Toinkkk.

Dapat masaya ako dahil  my previous posts attracted six hundred readers for a quarter of an hour last night (siguro curious yong mga tao sa anyo ng blue-naped parrot) at nadagdagan ang tatlo kong readers. Missing in action si Lee dahil sa internet problem.

Ano ba ang palusot moments. Yon ang huli na, buking na o butata na, hihirit pa rin. Duh.

Dolphy and Zsa Zsa

Sa totoo lang, hindi na ako natatawa sa comedy ni Dolphy. Kasi naman hindi na ako nanonood ng pelikula niya. Sa totoo lang matatawa pa ako kay Robert de Niro kahit hindi komedyante. :) 

Wala na ba silang makuhang bagong writer o lahat idea ni Dolphy ang patawa niya. Someone has to remind him na paulit-ulit lang ang kaniyang comedy sequence. Masyadong trying hard, para lang mapatawa ang tao. 

Dito sa bago niyang pelikula, may controversy.
The comedian’s movie, which will be shown in Metro Manila theaters starting Christmas Day, shows scenes where Dolphy, as Catholic priest Jejemon, accidentally drops a Communion host onto the cleavage of a female worshiper, and then drops another sacred host that gets stuck in the dentures of a fumbling senior citizen.
Pag Katoliko ka, kahit hindi sarado na may lock and key, ma-ooffend ka. Not unless, you are insensitive na wala kang gagawin kung ang retrato o anumang nagrepresent ng mahal o iginagalang  mo sa buhay ay babastusin para lang makapagpatawa.

Nasaan ang palusot moment?
Asked for comment, Dolphy’s partner and Father Jejemon producer Zsa Zsa Padilla said she was not aware of the supposedly offending scenes since she came on board on the last leg of the shooting.
“We have a spiritual adviser and we will consult with him regarding the concerns,” Padilla said.
“If our adviser should tell us to delete the scenes, that’s not going to be an issue. Dolphy is a devout Catholic and will respect the decision.”
Kung ang mga sinungaling ay tinatawag na Pinocchio, ano naman kaya ang tawag sa mga nagpapalusot? Pinokya?  Bakit nagpapalusot. Hindi ba naman niya pinanood ang mga rushes ng pelikula? Hindi ba naman niya binabasa ang script ? 

Fe dela Cruz
Fe dela Cruz, the Who? 
Siya ang BSP Corporate Affairs director

Ano ang palusot moment?

Sabi sa inquirer:

The map of the Philippines featured on six different bills redraws the country’s territory, places its northern limit 150 kilometers south of the actual line and excludes the Batanes island group.
Also, the BSP does not have any intention to remove Batanes from the map. "The island is certainly amazing. It was a matter of [an] artist's rendition," Dela Cruz reiterated.
Sabi sa Manila Standard: 

The Philippine map in the new peso bills also crop out the Batanes islands, the blog said.
“Batanes is one of the most beautiful places in the country and it’s not included. Why?”
While the central bank has not commented on the criticism, GMA-7 quoted its director for corporate affairs, Fe dela Cruz, as saying the mark on the bill was only supposed to show the general location.

 Sabi sa Pinaysaamerika, ahem
1. Pupusta ako, akala nila yong Babuyan Islands, Batanes Islands yon. Naisama na nga yong Babuyan, bakit hindi maisama ang Batanes? Ano yan babuyan?
 Ito ang sinasabi sa wiki. 

The Batanes Islands are separated from the Babuyan Islands of Cagayan Province by the Balintang ChannelTaiwan by the Bashi Channel.

Dapat nga ilagay ang mapa ng Batanes Islands  dahil :
The Batanes Island Group is now included in the National Integrated Protected Area System under the IUCN category Protected Seascapes and Landscapes. Though this protected area category does not ensure the abatement of (public) forest land conversion, it would nevertheless promote sustainable growth or development which would benefit the local inhabitants as a whole through strict monitoring of illegal activities by the law enforcers
Map of Batanes Group of Islands

2. Sa artist's rendition - for the art sake ba, pag nagdrawing sila ng tao, aalisin nila ang ilong ng tao o kaya ng mata kahit hindi surrealism ang kanilang style? Duh. This is geography, honey love. It should give the right information para sa mga titingin sa currency. Kahit naman sa globe na maliit ang Pilipinas kay Gandah Ko, ipinapakita pa rin ang mga dot dot dot na Batanes Islands. This is IMMORTALIZING  the legacy of the government which can be expressed in this twisted quotation, TO ERR IS HUMAN but to ERR SEVERAL TIMES IS simply stupidity.

Kaya ako naiiyak kasi para bang ang mga taong ito ay nagsasabi na mga istupido naman ang mga tao, tatanggapin na lang yan kahit mali kasi ang mahal ng pagpagawa. Para bang sinabing ang utak mo pag tinimbang, hindi man lang gagalaw ang TIMBANGAN. Duh.